A woman has seven basic needs that a man must learn to meet if he desires to love her as fully as God intended.

 God did not intend for marriage to be painfully endured. He intended it to be wonderfully enjoyed. It was not His plan that it would be a burden. He wants it to be a blessing. In order for us to experience maximum marriage satisfaction, it is essential that we grow to know each other.

Men and women are different in many ways. One area in particular is in the area of needs. Women have needs that are significantly different than those of men. How has God put a woman together? What does she need from a man?

In marriage, a man shows love to his wife by learning to meet seven basic needs that are the essence of who his wife is.

1) She needs a spiritual leader. A woman longs to follow a man of courage, conviction, commitment, compassion, and character. She wants a man who can be both steel and velvet. He can be a man’s man, and at the same time he can be gentle, tender, and approachable. Such a man will be a spiritual leader in the home. He will take the initiative in cultivating a spiritual environment for the family. He will be a capable and competent student of the Word of God, and he will live out a life founded on the Word of God. He’ll encourage and enable his wife to become a woman of God, to become more like Jesus, and he will take the lead in training their children in the things of the Lord.

2) She needs personal affirmation and appreciation. A man who loves a woman will praise her for personal attributes and qualities. He will extol her virtues as a wife, mother, and homemaker. He will also openly commend her in the presence of others as a marvelous mate, friend, lover, and companion. She will feel that to him, no one is more important in this world.

I remember telling men in a conference that one of the ways they show their wife appreciation is by picking up the phone and calling her during the day to see how she is doing. He is not to call to ask what came in the mail or what’s for supper! The following night a sweet young lady came up to me to tell me that her husband had obviously listened to what I had said the night before. She informed me that they had been married for a number of years and that her husband had never called her during the workday until that day. On this day he called her five times!

At first I was proud of the impression I had made on the man, but then a frightening thought entered my mind. I asked the lady, “Well, what did he say in each of those conversations?” She informed me that he said not much at all and that each conversation lasted no more than a minute. I began to apologize to her for the fact that things had not worked out so well. She quickly interrupted me, “Oh no, Dr. Akin, it was wonderful. Just the fact that he thought to call means everything. We can work on the words later! However, if he doesn’t call, we have nothing to work on.”

3) She needs personal affection and romance. Romance for a man means sex. He cannot imagine romance without having sex. Romance for a woman can mean lots of things, and sex may or may not be a part of it.

Romance is basically a game. It is a specific game. It is a game of “hide-and-go-seek.” She hides it and you seek it. If you find it, you will indeed agree that it’s good! On the other hand, if you don’t find it, you have one of two options. First, you can get nasty, mean, and bent out of shape and just be a miserable old grouch for the rest of your life. I have met a number of men just like that. Or second, you can remind yourself, it’s a game. Sometimes I win, and sometimes I lose. But that’s the fun of playing the game.

But there’s a second part to this game, and this is not fair. However, we dealt long ago with the fact that some things aren’t fair; it’s just the way they are. Guys, you must understand. What is romantic to your wife, say, on Monday, may not necessarily be romantic on Tuesday. Indeed, women are adept at moving the romance on a regular basis, sometimes even hiding it in places where they can’t even find it. When you go searching for romance in the place where it used to be, but now you discover that it is no longer there, don’t be surprised if looking over your shoulder is the woman that God gave you, and with her eyes she says something like this, “Yes, my darling. I moved the romance. It’s somewhere else now. And I’m going to wait to see if you love me enough to look for it all over again.”

Now again, guys, you can get angry, mean, and bent out of shape, or you can remember, it’s a game. And games can be fun. Sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose. But it’s all a great game. Men, if you will approach romance in this way, not only will you find it fun, but you will also get better at it along the way.

4) She needs intimate conversation. A woman needs a husband who will talk with her at the feeling level (heart to heart). She needs a man who will listen to her thoughts about the events of her day with sensitivity, interest, and concern. Daily conversation with her conveys her husband’s desire to understand her. Wise men learn soon after marriage that women are masters of code language. They say what they mean and expect you to know what they mean, and the particular words really don’t matter. Unfortunately some men are simply ill prepared and a little dense at this point, and it often gets them into serious trouble.

5) She needs honesty and openness. A woman needs a man who will look into her eyes and, in love, tell her what he is really thinking. He will explain his plans and actions clearly and completely to her because he regards himself as responsible for her. He wants her to trust him and feel secure. He wants her to know how precious she is to him. Growing openness and honesty will always mark a marriage when a man loves a woman.

6) She needs stability and security. A man who loves a woman will firmly shoulder the responsibilities to house, feed, and clothe the family. He will provide and he will protect. He will never forget that he is the security hub of the family for both his wife and his children. She will be aware of his dependability, and as our text indicates, so will others. There will be no doubt as to where his devotion and commitments lie. They are with his wife and his children.

7) She needs family commitment. A woman longs to know that her man puts the family first. Such a man will commit his time and energy to the spiritual, moral, and intellectual development of the entire family, especially the children. For example, he will play with them, he will read the Bible to them, he will engage in sports with them, and he will take them on exciting and fun-filled outings. Such a man will not play the fool’s game of working long hours, trying to get ahead, while his spouse and children languish in neglect. No, a woman needs a man who is committed to the family. She needs a man who puts his wife and children right behind his commitment to the Lord Jesus Christ.

When a man loves a woman, he makes it a life goal to meet seven basic needs of his wife. When a husband is committed in this way, and when a wife has the same commitment, it is not surprising that both husband and wife have a smile on their faces and joy in their hearts. This is the way God intended it from the beginning. As persons committed to God’s plan for marriage, we should settle for and expect nothing less.

*Photo credited to ~rckstar13 of Deviantart.

In a relationship trust is inevitable. Trust is very hard to earn and easily breaks. Ad so if love were based on trust, no relationship would last a lifetime. Because you are loving based on trust. But if trust is based on love, it is unconditional and honest, and can forgive and forget, despite of imperfections. The latter is more ideal than the former.

In long distance relationships, trusting one another is one key factor that will help strengthen the relationship. There’s no assurance that no one would cheat in the relationship. But loving one another is also accepting the possibilities that anything can happen hence, giving each other the benefit of the doubt and giving them their trust.

“I gave you my trust, it’s up to you if you‘ll break it or not.”

1.Do not believe someone right away when they say “I Love You.”

Sure, words are words and they cannot be taken back. But proving these three words takes commitment and time. We might find the right person but we must also find the right way to show “I love you” in actions. And yes, ladies, tradition and culture does not exclude us in this drill. A little of both words and actions can be a healthy approach, guys. Mixed signals do not count – we are no longer in high school you know. We deal with gross follow ups and real efforts in the adult world.

2. Do not bank into too much effort in long distance relationship to the point of bankruptcy.

Yes, this does not only apply to our financial means but to our emotional capacity as well. You cannot keep on giving what is not being given back. Sometimes we chose to give and give, hoping to be taken seriously but if the other person does not know how to give back – leave. Leave before you embitter yourself too much to the point of being unforgiving. Hey, check your bank account too – you do not want to break the bank in any investment. Learn that money can be a good reason to invest in something but in the end its always about the time. You can never take that back!

3. Good physical, intellectual, emotional chemistry is not a basis of a relationship.

Men equate longing to loving and women equate loving to longing. See where this is leading to? Leading to nowhere of course because the two parties does not meet eye to eye. Spending time in bed tumbling is left best in the bedroom. Accept that some chemistry just do not work out in the world called real world because some people just do not like the real work it takes.

4. You just have to enjoy Rule #3 as it is.

Giving meaning to many things can end up making you crazy or in the least paranoid. Yes, we want to make excuses for someone we love but you could run out of excuses. So better be in the moment to remember the good parts while it lasts. If it does not last, then have the good memories and move on. And of course, be safe all the time. You do not want to end up complicating things more with diapers.

5. The “I’m busy” and “I do not have time” reasons are like worn-out tires – they are good for the trash bins or for burning.

People still make use of them because they are convenient or think they are still useful for other things. Its like being told you by a person who answers this that “I am full of shit” and you would like to answer them “Go to the bathroom, you are indeed full of shit!”. But, these reasons do apply at times – but being told almost all the time is real bull shit. If you do not like going out with a certain person then save them the effort of chasing you or figuring out what you meant when you said “I’m busy.” F*ck. Tell them straight in the face. It takes a real adult to allow themselves to play a bad guy and are not afraid of hurting someone else’s feelings to give them an honest answer. Truth hurts but it should be known. Tough love for humanity is being exercised here. If you keep leading them on forever – shame on you. You are only stopping yourself and that person freedom and self growth. Well, its another story if you are really an asshole or a user. You see some people intend to mislead others for their ego strokes or attention deficiency sh*t in their heads. If you are one, then I curse you ten times over.

6. Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is NEVER a reason for relationship NOT to work.

Its about both parties working on it TOGETHER. It takes two to tango – whether it be a really good dance show or a drunken flamingo. We all have dance styles in each of us and its how we adjust the beats and rhythms to accommodate a dancing partner that makes you really a good dancer.
If you are not the metaphor type then ask someone to translate this for you. Now, if you are good at this, then for Pete’s sake, tell your partner about it. Who knows, he might just learn from you in the long run on how you should help each other make some groovy moves to make a relationship work.
Get creative, share couple rituals that you two only know, and most of all – open up for honest communications. Heck, nobody wants to listen to you all the time and you do not want them to talk about their day throughout the conversations. Make some volleys like real adults do – conversations can save your relationship in the end. People always want to end up with someone who could really talk and listen to them.

7. Do not hit the nine yards when telling something about yourself.

Individuality keeps boring away from any kind of relationships. But for couples, this should remain intact even if you reach (gasp!) marriage. People who tend to blame their partners over something are people who forgot themselves- because they did not keep something about themselves private. Now private here can be on many things. Leave something for your partner to discover for themselves – don’t give it to them in a silver platter.
And there are just some things in life that you should keep mum about. Like how much you make, what you can afford – yes, basically about your financial status. Not that I want you to become like a pig head but these information should not really matter than your personality, right? When a person asks something related to that – well steer clear away because they might just be in the prowl for status and security.
That is why, hypocrisy aside, make sure you have something to offer anybody without your dough backing you up. Bank on intellect, charm, and personality. In real relationships, those are what we are truly dealing about, right? If you substitute money or status for those, well, I am really sorry for you.

8. Friendship is the right foundation to start a relationship.

Relationships are very tricky. But with a firm foundation of mutual respect and understanding about each other – friendship – it can smoothen the rough patches out. Do not limit yourself in the sandbox of romance, dear friend. Real love is a very big white sand beach waiting for you to make foot prints on it! Romance can mislead you into an ideal view of your mate that might get shattered like fragile glass anytime. When it does, finding your mate’s flaws becomes easier and accepting them becomes harder. But with friendship, you put it to yourself to find out your differences and commonalities and work around them. You welcome the challenge because you have respect to understand a person for who they are and share the willingness to accept the good with the bad. Of course, romance can still play a good role – much later when you have learned to respect each other’ss individualities.

9. We are liable for everything we say but not what others think because we have different opinions.

No one wants to fall in love and end up hurting. But what we always fail to consider is that, when we love, we are allowing ourselves feel all possible emotions – love, anguish, frustrations, sadness, hurt, and all other myriad of feelings. It makes and breaks us into the person we can be with its strings and pulls. But we always want to become better and not bitter every time. Everything takes process and every time we break our frail hearts, we learn to search for something in ourselves. We learn to love ourselves more and we finally realize that love does not make sense as long as we are not strong enough to understand its laughter and tears. Love is just that – love and better leave it alone if you aren’t a zombie or a battle-scarred grown-up open pessimist and be sure to have something to give not something to get

10. Rules are meant to be broken.

Break all the rules, even this one. When you have had it and you have given everything, why shouldn’t you? You made the emotional and rational approach and yet you still end up feeling broken and unloved. And when chances come to enjoy love, why not? Love can be the Holy Grail of happiness as it involves self-journey. So do not be such a stuck up and give yourself a break every now and then. Its for free. But freedom has consequences, right? If you fall in love or get heartache (again?!), well read the list over and over again. But always, return to Rule #10 if all else fails!

-tatz/weisguy/kumander-

In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question: “What kind of man are you looking for?”

She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye & asking, “Do you really want to know?”

Reluctantly, he said, “Yes.”

She began to expound:

“As a woman in this day & age, I am in a position to ask a man what can you do for me that I can’t do for myself?

I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man…. or woman for that matter.

I am in the position to ask, “What can you bring to the table?”

The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money.

She quickly corrected his thought & stated, “I am not referring to money. I need something more.”

“I need a man who is striving for excellence in every aspect of life.”

He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, & asked her to explain.

She said:

“I need someone who is striving for excellence mentally because I need conversation & mental stimulation.. I don’t need a simple-minded man.

I need someone who is striving for excellence spiritually because I don’t need to be unequally yoked….believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster.

I need a man who is striving for excellence financially because I don’t need a financial burden.

I need someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded.

I need someone who has integrity in dealing with relationships. Lies and game playing are not my idea of a strong man.

I need a man who is family-oriented. One who can be the leader, priest and provider to the lives entrusted to him by God.

I need someone whom I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him.

I cannot be submissive to a man who isn’t taking care of his business.

I have no problem being submissive…he just has to be worthy.

And by the way, I am not looking for him…He will find me. He will recognize himself in me. He may not be able to explain the connection, but he will always be drawn to me. God made woman to be a helpmate for man. I can’t help a man if he can’t help himself.”

When she finished her spiell, she looked at him.

He sat there with a puzzled look on his face.

He said, “You are asking a lot.”

She replied, “I’m worth a lot.”

— Author Unknown —

*Photo credited to Hanlim of Deviantart.

I guess it’s one sad fact. Teddy Bears are huggable especially when they’re this big and soft. Though sometimes, being far from someone we loved, we misses that person a lot. There are times, that in times of longingness, we greatly want to hug our dearest. But it’s just way too impossible to do it now or even ever. This is where teddy bears are useful. They may not hug us in return but somehow they can compensate the feeling of hugging our loved ones. It quitely relieves the feeling of being alone.

*Photo credited to Gabatinie of Deviantart.

What a devastating word to hear, isn’t it? Is there any difference between the two? How can someone say “I Love You” to someone without being “in love” with that someone. Here’s the catch.

Any people could say “I Love You” to anyone. It’s something that you say to show admiration or even respect. Or to even show you care for someone. Basically, it’s more on the friendship zone.

On the contrary, falling in love is a romantic feeling you feel for a particular person. It’s fairy tale and dream based. Remember how fairy tales inspire us to search for our prince that would love us and make us happy ever after? It’s associated with the spark feeling, a chemistry between two people that makes them feel the aliveness of their being. Being in love is a temporary state. It does fades, and when it fades it’s up to both of you what you look for in a relationship and if you still want to continue loving each other through thick and thin. Accept each others imperfections and strengths. And when you do, then that is what true love is.

*Photo credited to metaltamer of Deviantart.

Getting hurt in the past may prevent us from opening ourselves to others. Invisible walls are formed in front of us as a defense from being hurt. But then again, how can we love and be loved back if we don’t take a risk. Trying again isn’t hard. Getting hurt again with the same reason is the primary concern why we back off. But it’s not always going to be the same. Life is simply unpredictable and we cannot get the answers to our questions if we don’t take a risk. We’ll only end up regretful.  Broken hearts can be mended.

*Photo credited to little_miss_pink of Deviantart.

Hate is such a strong word. It is an intense feeling of dislike. Sometimes, we hate someone whom we really loved. But shows hatred instead to disguise our love for someone. It injures the hater more than it injures the hated.

But being hated can leave an emotional scar. More often than not, it’s hard to take the word back.