1.Do not believe someone right away when they say “I Love You.”

Sure, words are words and they cannot be taken back. But proving these three words takes commitment and time. We might find the right person but we must also find the right way to show “I love you” in actions. And yes, ladies, tradition and culture does not exclude us in this drill. A little of both words and actions can be a healthy approach, guys. Mixed signals do not count – we are no longer in high school you know. We deal with gross follow ups and real efforts in the adult world.

2. Do not bank into too much effort in long distance relationship to the point of bankruptcy.

Yes, this does not only apply to our financial means but to our emotional capacity as well. You cannot keep on giving what is not being given back. Sometimes we chose to give and give, hoping to be taken seriously but if the other person does not know how to give back – leave. Leave before you embitter yourself too much to the point of being unforgiving. Hey, check your bank account too – you do not want to break the bank in any investment. Learn that money can be a good reason to invest in something but in the end its always about the time. You can never take that back!

3. Good physical, intellectual, emotional chemistry is not a basis of a relationship.

Men equate longing to loving and women equate loving to longing. See where this is leading to? Leading to nowhere of course because the two parties does not meet eye to eye. Spending time in bed tumbling is left best in the bedroom. Accept that some chemistry just do not work out in the world called real world because some people just do not like the real work it takes.

4. You just have to enjoy Rule #3 as it is.

Giving meaning to many things can end up making you crazy or in the least paranoid. Yes, we want to make excuses for someone we love but you could run out of excuses. So better be in the moment to remember the good parts while it lasts. If it does not last, then have the good memories and move on. And of course, be safe all the time. You do not want to end up complicating things more with diapers.

5. The “I’m busy” and “I do not have time” reasons are like worn-out tires – they are good for the trash bins or for burning.

People still make use of them because they are convenient or think they are still useful for other things. Its like being told you by a person who answers this that “I am full of shit” and you would like to answer them “Go to the bathroom, you are indeed full of shit!”. But, these reasons do apply at times – but being told almost all the time is real bull shit. If you do not like going out with a certain person then save them the effort of chasing you or figuring out what you meant when you said “I’m busy.” F*ck. Tell them straight in the face. It takes a real adult to allow themselves to play a bad guy and are not afraid of hurting someone else’s feelings to give them an honest answer. Truth hurts but it should be known. Tough love for humanity is being exercised here. If you keep leading them on forever – shame on you. You are only stopping yourself and that person freedom and self growth. Well, its another story if you are really an asshole or a user. You see some people intend to mislead others for their ego strokes or attention deficiency sh*t in their heads. If you are one, then I curse you ten times over.

6. Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is NEVER a reason for relationship NOT to work.

Its about both parties working on it TOGETHER. It takes two to tango – whether it be a really good dance show or a drunken flamingo. We all have dance styles in each of us and its how we adjust the beats and rhythms to accommodate a dancing partner that makes you really a good dancer.
If you are not the metaphor type then ask someone to translate this for you. Now, if you are good at this, then for Pete’s sake, tell your partner about it. Who knows, he might just learn from you in the long run on how you should help each other make some groovy moves to make a relationship work.
Get creative, share couple rituals that you two only know, and most of all – open up for honest communications. Heck, nobody wants to listen to you all the time and you do not want them to talk about their day throughout the conversations. Make some volleys like real adults do – conversations can save your relationship in the end. People always want to end up with someone who could really talk and listen to them.

7. Do not hit the nine yards when telling something about yourself.

Individuality keeps boring away from any kind of relationships. But for couples, this should remain intact even if you reach (gasp!) marriage. People who tend to blame their partners over something are people who forgot themselves- because they did not keep something about themselves private. Now private here can be on many things. Leave something for your partner to discover for themselves – don’t give it to them in a silver platter.
And there are just some things in life that you should keep mum about. Like how much you make, what you can afford – yes, basically about your financial status. Not that I want you to become like a pig head but these information should not really matter than your personality, right? When a person asks something related to that – well steer clear away because they might just be in the prowl for status and security.
That is why, hypocrisy aside, make sure you have something to offer anybody without your dough backing you up. Bank on intellect, charm, and personality. In real relationships, those are what we are truly dealing about, right? If you substitute money or status for those, well, I am really sorry for you.

8. Friendship is the right foundation to start a relationship.

Relationships are very tricky. But with a firm foundation of mutual respect and understanding about each other – friendship – it can smoothen the rough patches out. Do not limit yourself in the sandbox of romance, dear friend. Real love is a very big white sand beach waiting for you to make foot prints on it! Romance can mislead you into an ideal view of your mate that might get shattered like fragile glass anytime. When it does, finding your mate’s flaws becomes easier and accepting them becomes harder. But with friendship, you put it to yourself to find out your differences and commonalities and work around them. You welcome the challenge because you have respect to understand a person for who they are and share the willingness to accept the good with the bad. Of course, romance can still play a good role – much later when you have learned to respect each other’ss individualities.

9. We are liable for everything we say but not what others think because we have different opinions.

No one wants to fall in love and end up hurting. But what we always fail to consider is that, when we love, we are allowing ourselves feel all possible emotions – love, anguish, frustrations, sadness, hurt, and all other myriad of feelings. It makes and breaks us into the person we can be with its strings and pulls. But we always want to become better and not bitter every time. Everything takes process and every time we break our frail hearts, we learn to search for something in ourselves. We learn to love ourselves more and we finally realize that love does not make sense as long as we are not strong enough to understand its laughter and tears. Love is just that – love and better leave it alone if you aren’t a zombie or a battle-scarred grown-up open pessimist and be sure to have something to give not something to get

10. Rules are meant to be broken.

Break all the rules, even this one. When you have had it and you have given everything, why shouldn’t you? You made the emotional and rational approach and yet you still end up feeling broken and unloved. And when chances come to enjoy love, why not? Love can be the Holy Grail of happiness as it involves self-journey. So do not be such a stuck up and give yourself a break every now and then. Its for free. But freedom has consequences, right? If you fall in love or get heartache (again?!), well read the list over and over again. But always, return to Rule #10 if all else fails!

-tatz/weisguy/kumander-

In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question: “What kind of man are you looking for?”

She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye & asking, “Do you really want to know?”

Reluctantly, he said, “Yes.”

She began to expound:

“As a woman in this day & age, I am in a position to ask a man what can you do for me that I can’t do for myself?

I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man…. or woman for that matter.

I am in the position to ask, “What can you bring to the table?”

The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money.

She quickly corrected his thought & stated, “I am not referring to money. I need something more.”

“I need a man who is striving for excellence in every aspect of life.”

He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, & asked her to explain.

She said:

“I need someone who is striving for excellence mentally because I need conversation & mental stimulation.. I don’t need a simple-minded man.

I need someone who is striving for excellence spiritually because I don’t need to be unequally yoked….believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster.

I need a man who is striving for excellence financially because I don’t need a financial burden.

I need someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded.

I need someone who has integrity in dealing with relationships. Lies and game playing are not my idea of a strong man.

I need a man who is family-oriented. One who can be the leader, priest and provider to the lives entrusted to him by God.

I need someone whom I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him.

I cannot be submissive to a man who isn’t taking care of his business.

I have no problem being submissive…he just has to be worthy.

And by the way, I am not looking for him…He will find me. He will recognize himself in me. He may not be able to explain the connection, but he will always be drawn to me. God made woman to be a helpmate for man. I can’t help a man if he can’t help himself.”

When she finished her spiell, she looked at him.

He sat there with a puzzled look on his face.

He said, “You are asking a lot.”

She replied, “I’m worth a lot.”

— Author Unknown —

*Photo credited to Hanlim of Deviantart.

I guess it’s one sad fact. Teddy Bears are huggable especially when they’re this big and soft. Though sometimes, being far from someone we loved, we misses that person a lot. There are times, that in times of longingness, we greatly want to hug our dearest. But it’s just way too impossible to do it now or even ever. This is where teddy bears are useful. They may not hug us in return but somehow they can compensate the feeling of hugging our loved ones. It quitely relieves the feeling of being alone.

*Photo credited to Gabatinie of Deviantart.

What a devastating word to hear, isn’t it? Is there any difference between the two? How can someone say “I Love You” to someone without being “in love” with that someone. Here’s the catch.

Any people could say “I Love You” to anyone. It’s something that you say to show admiration or even respect. Or to even show you care for someone. Basically, it’s more on the friendship zone.

On the contrary, falling in love is a romantic feeling you feel for a particular person. It’s fairy tale and dream based. Remember how fairy tales inspire us to search for our prince that would love us and make us happy ever after? It’s associated with the spark feeling, a chemistry between two people that makes them feel the aliveness of their being. Being in love is a temporary state. It does fades, and when it fades it’s up to both of you what you look for in a relationship and if you still want to continue loving each other through thick and thin. Accept each others imperfections and strengths. And when you do, then that is what true love is.

*Photo credited to metaltamer of Deviantart.

Getting hurt in the past may prevent us from opening ourselves to others. Invisible walls are formed in front of us as a defense from being hurt. But then again, how can we love and be loved back if we don’t take a risk. Trying again isn’t hard. Getting hurt again with the same reason is the primary concern why we back off. But it’s not always going to be the same. Life is simply unpredictable and we cannot get the answers to our questions if we don’t take a risk. We’ll only end up regretful.  Broken hearts can be mended.

*Photo credited to little_miss_pink of Deviantart.

Hate is such a strong word. It is an intense feeling of dislike. Sometimes, we hate someone whom we really loved. But shows hatred instead to disguise our love for someone. It injures the hater more than it injures the hated.

But being hated can leave an emotional scar. More often than not, it’s hard to take the word back.

In time, it is absolutely vital to put the pain behind you and move forward with your life and love. Otherwise, you are giving away your power to the people who hurt you.

Sometimes the relationship you need to rescue is the one with yourself. Moving past a breakup is about you, not your ex.

Don’t start thinking about being friends right away — if ever. You have to be your own friend first.

Grief is a process to go through, not a destination in which to wallow. In a process, you keep putting one foot in front of the other, and each little step is part of your healing.

Define your real intentions. Are you trying to move past the breakup, or are you hoping to get back with your ex? You won’t move on until you’ve accepted that the relationship is over.

Be careful about the language you use. When you use catastrophic terms like “nightmare,” “terrible,” and “horrible,” you’re bound to spend time dwelling on the negative. Focus on what you can do.

Sometimes you can’t get over being hurt until you know you’ve been heard. Give yourself permission to express your anger and sadness.

Don’t embarrass yourself or put yourself in a situation where you’ll look back and feel humiliated. Driving past your ex’s house, making dozens of phone calls or e-mailing non-stop is no way to let go of the past or come out with your head high.

Learn to trust again. Whenever you get involved in a relationship, you know there’s a risk. Don’t let a bad experience keep you from living your life to the fullest. You can go through life suspicious, or loving and laughing.

*Photo credit to ~revddcs of deviantart.

It’s kinda stupid to think that some politicians are pushing on to make a bill for expirations on marriage licenses. I mean, aren’t there any important issues and bills to make rather than this one? That’s one wordly thing, right? What will happen to the marriage vow that, “’til death do us part?” Isn’t it supposed to be a forever bond and not a renewal thingy? Hays! I don’t think it’s a solution for increasing divorce and annulment cases we have here. It’s even against the bible. What do you think?

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce.. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce.
She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that everyday for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning.. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Dew about my wife’s divorce conditions.. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully..

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead.. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead.

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.

Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

A CHRIST-CENTERED MARRIAGE IS A MARRIAGE THAT IS SURE TO LAST A LIFETIME.

“Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” Matthew 19:6